Made Broken

There’s this thing I want. I want it more than my breath. This is unhealthy, I know. That doesn’t stop the wanting. I know it will never be mine, but I can’t help but wonder how I can make it work.

These are the irrational thoughts of my mind warring with my heart. You weaseled your way in and shattered it to pieces.

The feel of you in my arms remains vivid. The feel of your lips on mine, a sweet memory. I’ve made a fool of myself believing your words, and yet I still stand at your back for all the love I have in me for you.

I’d poured out all of me for you and you twisted it into something painful. Over and over you lied and schemed and made me hurt. My tears fall forever and you don’t cherish a single one. Like the shattered pieces of my heart, they are just a drop in the sea.

Your sweet words spoke to me in such a way that I was ready to give up everything for you. I would have bowed at your feet, been the woman you’d love and made it my life’s ambition to keep you smiling. But you aren’t alone. And you’ll never be. Even if you’re really unhappy, you’re too selfish to leave. You held my heart in your hands and let me fall.

Even as I watch this and scream from the inside, one fact remains. I’ll never be the same again. I’ll either grow bitter and give up on love, or I’ll settle for something less than what I want. Now that I know, I feel even more alone.

I love you enough to want your happiness, I just can’t sit around to see it. I’ll have to say goodbye eventually because I want you to be my happiness enough to be the nasty hag that isn’t me.

I hope you all the best. But stay away from me.

Sandra Easter

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Be Mine

Wrap me in your arms

Fill my heart with love

Calm my fears with your presence

Make me feel like the woman I am

 

Read me stories

Play games with me

Chase me around the house

Make me the friend you are to me

 

Give me that look

The one that says there’s only me

The look that devours

One that makes my knees weak

 

Be my man

The one I’ve always needed

The one that lets me be me

And loves every bit of me for it

You Are My Sunshine

An ocean sized hole

Bleeds my heart

Rips pain through me

Empties me of all

Drains me and kills me

 

A gaping cavern

Void of happiness

A black hole

Pulling me to inactivity

 

Music plays dull

Echoes agony

Fills my mind

But does nothing

For my heart

 

Here I lay

Still and sleeping

Waiting for time to pass

For pain to ebb

For sunshine to return

Unicorn

The ocean split before me

Swallowed my enemy

And threw you back at me

 

My King

To lift me and rule me

To please me and love me

 

The sky fell

Drowned the hated

And you landed at my feet

 

My Unicorn

To show me what I need

Be what I want

 

The fire in me raged white

Till you walked right through it

Calming the rage for desire

 

My Master

He who commands me

He who protects me

 

Chaos surrounded me

Creating misery

In the calm before the storm

 

My Love

Who has awaked the beast within

The dormant me begging to be released

Lia Rees

Me

Lia Rees

I had the privilege of interviewing a truly unique individual. Lia Rees has been a fun person to get to know. Today I’ll be taking to get about her book But I’m Not Depressed. 

“Tell us something about yourself Lia.”

“Here’s my “official” biography!”

Lia Rees lives in London. She loves music, particularly prog rock, chill out and anything melancholy. Her ideal house involves plenty of books, attractive lamps and things made from coloured glass. Open-source culture and wild places excite her, and she has dabbled in the creative arts of jewellery making, crochet and T-shirt design. Since 2005, she has been living with the psychological and cognitive effects of an acquired brain injury. She writes to bring readers into the surreal world of the survivor, and to save other survivors from the psychology trap.

“What book would you like to tell us about?” Book FB Square

“My memoir, But I’m Not Depressed.”

A memoir. I love that word. Sounds so pretty. Especially with a french accent. Lia has been nice enough to provide me with a copy of the book and I’m excited to get started on it. Thank you Lia.

“Would you like to provide us with a blurb?”

This is what happened when something devastating crashed into an unusual mind.

When I suffered a brain injury at the age of 19, I was not told what I had. The world became a dreamlike haze. I was cut off from my own thoughts and memories.

Instead of receiving medical treatment, I was sent into psychotherapy. So began a ten-year battle to recover my lost self. This memoir is a window into the surreal internal landscape of a brain injury survivor striving to find reality once more.

Positive thinking and pills couldn’t fix me, but a bizarre and cutting-edge field of medicine just might.BIND - Paperback For Web

“Why is this book so important for you to share?”

“I thought I was only writing one book – But I’m Not Depressed – but it became the starting point for a whole advocacy mission. The more I researched my condition, the more medical neglect and heartbreaking stories I found. I’m now planning a series of full-colour artistic booklets to provide survivors with the information we are rarely told about our condition. There will also be a follow-up book on high-IQ people and brain injury. The effects of brain injury are devastating yet subtle, and don’t always show up in tests. Many high performers are overlooked because they still manage to score quite well on tests. They are told, as I was, that there’s nothing wrong with them that a little positive thinking won’t cure. They spend the rest of their lives struggling and blaming themselves. It’s a situation I’m angry about.”

That’s horrible. I never did like doctors much. Time and again they prove how inadequate they can be with things new to them. The realm of possibilities seem to be only what their current knowledge and pharmaceutical companies tell them. Such a shame.world turned upside down

“What make this/these books so special to you?”

 

“But I’m Not Depressed is a very personal book. Without much preamble, I bring the reader into the strange underwater world I live in now. The sheer weirdness of being inside a brain-injured mind is the kind of bizarre experience you can compare to a drug trip. But most people, thankfully, will never know it from the inside.

“Most people also associate brain injury with head trauma from sports, vehicle accidents and so forth. Mine came from another source, which was why it was medically dismissed. By writing about it, I strike out against the psychologists who undermined my story and tried to reshape my reality. Nobody will suffer for neglecting me, and that will always hurt. But it will hurt less if I can write a book and have a voice.”

No one can tell the story but you. I’m so happy you choose to.

“Who is your favorite author?”

“It’s probably either Douglas Adams or Ray Bradbury. Two insightful men with beautiful precision of language, and Douglas Adams managed to be funny with it.”

“What inspired you to write for the first time?”

“As a small child, I read everything I could lay my hands on. It seemed a natural progression to start writing stories on my dad’s computer. I still have four “books” from that time – computer printouts bound into coloured plastic folders – full of my old stories in various genres. It’s fascinating to see how a five-year-old writes science fiction, for example, and what she believes is important. I wish I could recall what I’d actually been reading at that time. Anyway, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t making things up.”

That would be a great thing to have made into a hard back book on one of the publishing websites and share with the kids in the family.

“What keeps you coming back to writing?”

“It helps me keep track of myself – what I think, experience and believe. Once I actually get started, the page of text is very forgiving. It keeps a record of all the thoughts and ideas which would otherwise be lost to the amnesia I live with.”

That’s awesome that you found such a profound use for writing. That should be recommended to anyone with memory loss.

“If you could say anything to your fans, what would it be?”

“Be sure of what you want, and what you believe. Examine it with logic and compare all the evidence before you commit yourself. Then never let anyone take it away.

Also, eat proper food and explore the natural world more. They’re both fun and good for you.”

I can second that advice. Too many people in the world saying someone can’t do something. It’s amazing what good healthy food will do for one’s mood and energy.

The Crimson Petal and the White“What is the first book you’ve ever read that pulled you into its world?”

“I can’t remember the first, but I was mesmerized by The Crimson Petal And The White. The daring, immersive use of language and metaphor grabbed me from the start, mingled with the historical knowledge and psychological detail. It helped that the book is about the adventures of a highly intelligent prostitute in Victorian London.”

That’s going on my reading list. Sounds intriguing.

“What would you say to future authors you might inspire?”

“Be both structured and chaotic, rational and emotional. I know it’s hard. That’s kind of the point.”

FB Template Lia Rees BW

Thank you Lia. That was very insightful and inspiring.

If you wish to find Lia, her links are listed below.  Thank you for reading, as always.

Facebook

Twitter

Email: Lia at FreeYourWords.com

Website

Amazon

Book page

Book Proof 3

Sneak Peak 

I’ve gotten the chance to read a few chapters since she sent this to me and it’s a wonderfully poetic work. Lia Rees has a wonderful talent when using words to describe the impossible.

Your Beloved Author,

Sandra Easter